This is my mess.

Gentleman, a very endangered species.

I’ve realized in many of my relationships, a good man fails to exist.

Protector. Provider. Confidant. Comfort. Safety. Strength.

That always is me.

I have such a battle of thoughts, its getting so gruesome now. Its something i always knew existed but NEVER let it boil over like this.

My problem:

I’m a fixer. I’m a healer.

And i’ve only been in relationships where something is broken, and I can help. And i love it. Because i love them.

Now, after all these years, i’m pretty worn down. I’ve always prided myself on being able to take care of everything by myself, especially myself.

I’m sick of it. I want a hero.

I just want to feel safe with a man. A REAL GENTLEMAN. A classic man. An open my door, pull out my chair kind of guy. Other girls have those kind, they must exist. Never in my life though, and not when they were with me. Someone who wants to protect me, and fight for me.

(Chivalry is never dead)

I want the relationship i’ve always been afraid of.

I just don’t want to be in control anymore.