August 2010
1 post
ret·ro·gres·sion
–noun 1. the act of retrogressing; movement backward. 2. Biology . degeneration; retrograde metamorphosis; passing from a more complex to a simpler structure. Funny. Its been my screen name for ages, A word I’d refer to here and there. Fully aware of it’s meaning. Thumbed through my mental library until I landed on the perfect screen name, the most fitting, the one...
October 2009
1 post
When i was 15 and i imagined being 21, I couldn’t wait to be there.
Now im 21, remembering 17, and thats where it seems golden.
I have everything i wanted when i imagined being here. I just moved into my own place, with my boyfriend of almost 3 years (disregarding that time in between when we were not together.) a car, and a job.
But i had a dream last night, where i was in my friends old...
April 2009
5 posts
I don't know.
I’ve been reading too much. All day. All night. Consumed. When i’m not reading i’m daydreaming. When i’m not daydreaming i’m writing. When i’m not doing any of that i’m hoping for someone to come in my life and give me wisdom. Give me insight. Listen to my crazy, understand my thoughts. Understand me.
I’m removed. Its weird.
I’m not here...
Dream.
I was going to Pennsylvania. But it wasn’t the same. I didn’t want to, i ALWAYS want to. It was similiar to my grandparents property. My dreams always have gone there when i’m happy. It’s always my “freedomland.” This was different. It felt bittersweet, i was going but i knew it was not for good. Everybody was there, old friends, family, anyone i had ever seen....
Gentleman, a very endangered species.
I’ve realized in many of my relationships, a good man fails to exist.
Protector. Provider. Confidant. Comfort. Safety. Strength.
That always is me.
I have such a battle of thoughts, its getting so gruesome now. Its something i always knew existed but NEVER let it boil over like this.
My problem:
I’m a fixer. I’m a healer.
And i’ve only been in relationships where...
Short update.
Decided that i’m only going to look at land and properties near my grandparents place. It makes sense. My dream since i can remember was having my own place like that, and so why the heck not. Currently i’m waiting to hear back from them because the lady who owned the property next door unfortunatly died. So, it could possibly be up for sale. Fingers crossed. Though that probably...
That kind of day huh.
Yes, yes it has been.
So, i’m doing good things, great things! i’m on to something big! This economy flop we’re in is going to be my dream come true moment! My series of unfortunate events is going to be the begining of something spectacular!
*Drum roll pleasseee*
I’m going to look at land, farms, and LOTS of it! This weekend i’m already scheduled to meet a...
February 2009
8 posts
Sheesh.
Seriously, i love love love the winter, but i want Spring NOW. Right NOW. I want bike rides and dog walks and PENNSYLVANIA! hiking and picnics. C’monnnnnn.
I can’t wait.
Anywho, things are boring. All i think about lately is cooking healthy things and going to parks and all of that longing for spring.
I cook, a lot. I’m thinking about going more in the foodie direction....
Happy Valentines day.
Doesn’t feel like it.
This is how i feel.
A little peice of me died.
I don’t know why i’m so sad, the teenage girl in me is heartbroken. I am happy too. People in love are wonderful. And they’re probably wonderful. But the words and songs of a person in tragedy…..Despair, longing, passion….tragedy, its real. The chase, the unknown, the fight, its so raw. And exciting. I just hope noone fizzles.
Wednesdays are the longest.
I haven’t written in a while, not because i’ve been busy, but more or less because it’s been boring.
Just a normal work week.
You know what sucks about that? I already know everything thats going to happen. How boring.
This weekend, i’ve got to do something out of the blue.
Oh, this is kind of exciting, i told Charlie if he forgets Valentines day, i’m breaking up...
Your riding high in april
Shot down in mayyyy.
I was driving around before, killing some time, clearing my thoughts. Listening to WFUV, and feeling kind of low. And then,
Thats LIFE
(thats lifeeeeeee)
Thats what all the people sayyyyy
Oh, i turned that radio up as high as it could go. Waved my fists, raised my voice, sang along. Shuddered and shaked with every word. Banged on the steering wheel.
So, ol’ blue...
I keep going in and out and back and forth and hot and cold with this.
Everyday i write i really long entry oozing with soul and character and realness, just bleeding personality and struggles and victories and ideas, and wonders. Things that tear at my insides and have me pounding my head against walls, going off into some made up world, where only those creatures, and that life, has the...
In my head.
Today I haven’t spoken many words out loud. Imagination and fantasy has been running wild through me. Its been so perfect, so, so, perfect. I’ve had many a conversations with great people, old and young, past and present, or continued conversations that fell flat in reality. They could have been something. I could have said something witty and on point. I never say it aloud. Its always...
January 2009
14 posts
What an issue.
So, i got really excited about tackling some side jobs and hobbies.
Too excited.
Its about 2 or so hours later, and i’m all done.
What a pickle.
[sidenote] seriously, i know. I’m a bit more complainy and whiney than usual. Eventually, i will suck it up. And seriously, i know. Even i’m having trouble dealing with it. But until further notice, WOE IS ME!
What a day for a daydream.
I have a feeling this day i will be floating in one, a daydream. I’m feeling very reminiscent. Not much else comes to mind.
I have a million stories i could tell, from past and present. I could never communicate them acurately enough though, and more importantly i’ll be offended if you don’t appreciate them as much as i do. Only the ones who were there would, and well, i miss...
Plans.
So, money sucks. What else is new. But, i’m devising a plan that will allow me more control with my money. Somehow, simply putting things into a list makes me say, “ok, now its bussiness” Something about a list boosts my motivation. A list is motivation.
This is where money will be spent:
Groceries and bills.
Also save for:
Accesories for bike.
Metal Detector.
Computer...
Going back.
You will be singing to me all day. Via earphones, of course. Calm down.
Day of dilemmas.
Dillema? Dilemma? I don’t know.The more i look at it, the more wrong they both look.
I just got off the phone with my mom. We’re on good terms now. Its a long story (but not really at all, its just really boring) I was a bit peeved with her yesterday.
Its just, i’m getting the feeling that i’m never taken seriously. Now, one must wonder who’s fault it is, and if its...
hey.
Just stopping by. Had a pretty warped day, i’ll save the stories for tomorrow. My bed is calling, and yes, i must take this one.
Its official.
Going to the comic con in February!
I’m so excitedddd!!
Charlie, my brother, and me. Woo hoooooo!
And, on a different note,
I’ve found a new mental therapy! Its a mix of craft, collage, scrapbooking, and deep dark ugly scary mental breakdowns.
Neat =]
I might post some, one day.
With this weekend....
What am i going to do with these three daysssssssss.
Ideas so far:
See a movie.
Take a drive to whole foods.
Buy some alcohol and make those classy drinks i always wondered about.
Go to the city.
Go to a park.
Buy those blankets i’ve been obsessing about.
Draw up some ideas.
Craft store, maybe knit.
Escape for a day or two and head to P.A
Hmph, i’m really out of ideas here...
I'm addicted to this stuff.
Its Thursday!
[Awesome exciting party track in background]
No work for three daysss after today!
Woop woop.
[sidenote] i’ve been looking into the Peace Corps. recently, just for some info. and what not. If it wasn’t for such a long time, i’d probably join.
I'm barfing rainbows over here.
Ahhh!!
Annndddd DRUMMM ROLLLL PLEASSEEEE
Goodnight =]
Love these ladies. They’re classy and...
Good morning, old friend.
Holy toledo, its been ages sice we last spoke. A whole lot of everything has happened since.
I’m searching for guidance lately. I need it. I need to speak with someone with life experience and a butt load of wisdom, but most importantly an open mind. I’ve been considering the future, and how i see it, and i want to make sure it is exactly that. I want to do everything I dream. They...
November 2008
1 post
hmm.
Last night was yet another notion that i’m not where i belong.
A get together at my house, a few people i don’t know what else to call but friends were hanging out downstairs.
(I went upstairs to make my bed and hang out with my cat)
Ironic slightly, in the fact that most of the time they were amazed by this “toy” one of them recieved for a birthday, that most likely was...
October 2008
3 posts
I’m going to learn to play guitar.
And i’m sticking to it.
First
folky dreamy whisper love songs
then
total jam out rock n roll take over
I’m going to be a monster!
decision made.
I quit!
A good exclamation! No more two jobs. Fuck that, I don’t have to be old and miserable yet.
No way. Not me.
This week feels like a new life. A better one.
I want to do everything. I want to do everything i’ve ever thought was a good idea, everything that ever was a good feeling.
I’m fucking:
rolling joints. i haven’t smoked anything for real in years, i’m curious...
I'm boring.
Thats about it.
But, good news, moneys under control. I have plans now.
Oh, and things are pretty much awesome.
Just boring.
September 2008
36 posts
Just wondering.
How long do you give something a chance for?
I never know. Suggestions?
Because, pretty much if i don’t like something the first time, i never will.
So
I don’t know if this whole new schedule overdrive was such a good idea. I feel like i’m losing parts of myself with everyday that passes,
and putting more focus on things that i always hate.
Check ins. Deadlines. Alarm clocks. Technical data. Hello. please. thank you. sorry. time. deadlines. enter data. time. deadlines. enter data. alarm. alarm. alarm. time. time.
When it was just...
This.
Best thing ever, and from now on i will always have one with me.
I hate coffee, hot coffee, cold coffee, doesn’t matter. These are little square jellos that are the equivelant to a cup.
I’m going to be needing some serious energy these days.
Dearest NYC,
see you soon.
I drank so much tea today, i might as well be a freakin teapot.
Oh, speaking of tea, i found a remedy tea for...
I feel boring today.
So, yesterday was the test of endurance. I passed.
This week though, i know its going to be tough. I’m already feeling a bit emotional and sore. Once i get used to the new routine, i’ll be fine.
Also, that Herbology class called me back! so i think i can add that to my schedule too.
All of a sudden, things are coming my way.
This is what i wanted.
And i’m exhausted.
A lightbulb.
So, I went to the library yesterday and got some more books on herbs and other naturual cures and remedies. My brain is getting full up with information on this stuff, and i’ve been making a few “potions” and tinctures, and a couple teas. I’ve found so much information online as well, i’ve been reading up and taking notes for a while now. I love it.
i think...
For example.
Hello,
dradams:
world.
And, i’m glad they’re back. I’m hoping this means all is going well in the lives of them.
Halloweeeeen!
I can’t believe i forgot to mention my room!
Its halloween wonderful.
Here’s some pictures. They don’t do it the slightest justice, but its an idea.
Bloody mirror!
I had to stand on a chair for this one, as you will later learn, i’m short.
Hey, lets talk about my giraffe.
This gem, is my Hobbes, he is my imaginary awesome. If anybody has ever read Calvin and...
A second wind.
I had a job interview today, and i got it, thankfully.
So, my new schedule is going to be something like:
Work with my dad from 8am to 5pm.
Then from 6pm to 11:30pm i’ll be ringing up groceries.
I don’t mind, i’m really excited.
And, somehow, things are ok again.
Oh, also, Casanova, read it.
Image comics, i love you.
Oh, and P freaking S,
Dear Warren Ellis,
New issue...
When you become a couple does a big sign go up saying “not for sale” in the world of friendship?
Is it too late in life to meet a best friend?
I always thought that was something you get when your in grade school. Someone you can have a million “remember whens” with.
It worries me more that i suddenly care about this.
What happened to me and you against the world.
I...
Saddest day.
I think i’m realizing that my love might be misplaced.
And the safe haven i have created for myself is also my beautiful tomb.
Party?
Just got home from a party and i’m starting to question a lot. Well, not starting too, just, my feathers are really ruffled by my surrounding age group.
I was very excited about it to be honest, i’ve been needing some kind of social stimulation and this was the perfect opportunity, right down the block and someone i’ve known for a while, and friends i’ve had in the past...
Red flag.
Anybody else thinking of taking their money and investments out of the system and stocking up on neccesities?
Me too.
The economy is the saddest thing to read about these days.
Don't worry.
I’m over it.
Whatever it was.
Glooming dark cloud of nothing and everything.
My action, is no action.
No drastic off switch, no cutting strings from everything i am and know now.
Not yet.
I can’t do that again yet, i’m still getting used to the space from the last “action”
Maybe i still just need to get comfortable with now.
Hi world,
I’m still...
Nothing.
I don’t know if i’m making any progress.
It seems i’m more or less occupying myself with anything that makes me think about anything else.
So, is that the answer.
Let it resolve itself kind of deal, Just a short period of information overload, then its gone?
I’m slightly torn about this. Because this has been happening on and off for a while now, and this is always how...
Yes, 12 hours later and i'm still thinking about...
I’m not blaming anyone else for my sadness or shift in mood. I’m just saying other peoples suffering, seeing them, hearing them, watching them, effects me.
My environment has always effected me so. Mostly when i leave somewhere i’m comfortable with, i feel my skin being ripped off, and all my nerves behaving like feelers. Like a skinless body in a room full of electric pulses...